Emotional Intelligence | Do You Feel Safe in The Spaces You are In?

The Word for Today is S A F E.

Do you feel safe in the spaces you’re in? This is one of those questions you may or may not ask yourself, and if you do, you only consider physical safety. However, the concept of safety is far more profound. There's this thing called emotional safety that we naturally crave in our connections. We innately seek intimacy with others, but to effectively pursue this level in our relationships, we must feel safe enough to be vulnerable. Intimacy comes with trust which comes with integrity. If you have a descent level of discernment, you understand not everyone is mature enough to handle the parts of you that are fragile. Here is when you learn there are levels to relationships just like there are levels to consciousness. It would be foolish to think everyone deserves to know you deeply. Some people are not deserving of knowing you at all, others, on a deeper level. This isn't to say be shallow, but rather to say people must earn their position in your life. Our connections should not be a one-size fits all. When you understand your worth and just how much value you bring to the spaces you inhabit, you raise the bar on who has access to you and people get the access that they deserve. The rule of thumb should be, those who bring the most peace, receive the most time.

The Importance of Safe Spaces

We naturally thrive in environments where we feel supported to be our authentic true self. When we enter spaces that make us feel as though we cannot, our nervous system goes haywire. Instantly we go into survival mode which looks a lot like fight or flight. Everything appears to be a threat to our well-being and things start spiraling out of control in our minds. Here is when the ego shows up. We've spoken about the ego numerous times on this platform, but today we shed a new light on this aspect of us. The ego's main objective is to keep us safe. As our anxiety peaks it sends a signal to the ego that we need it to protect us. So often we demonize the ego, but in reality, it is like the friend who tries to fight for you. There is a such thing as a healthy ego. On the opposite end of the spectrum, an unhealthy ego would cause you to want to escape. This could look like dimming your light, fear of speaking up, and or indulging in self-sabotaging behaviors. An unhealthy ego is counteractive, instead of protecting, it masks us from the outside world because it does not understand the fight is in our spirit. The ego is a shadow of God's shadow which is The Holy Spirit. As we know, the objective of The Holy Spirit is to give us the fruits of the spirit, produce in us Godfidence and peace, and protect us in spiritual warfare. This is God's shadow. When we tap into the unhealthy ego, we meet our shadow. If you're familiar with terms like shadow work, this is that shadow that we uncover in our healing journey. It is necessary to explore this suppressed aspect if you truly wish to break generational curses, limiting beliefs and heal your inner child from traumatic experiences. It's the only way to repair and regulate your nervous system. Here’s a few ways to identify when you don’t feel safe in your surroundings.

• You’re controlling!

You seek to control everything outside of you because you don’t feel safe enough to let your guard down. This is a trauma response. Perhaps your sensitivity and or vulnerability was used against you or manipulated by someone you loved and respected. The disposition for those of us who are and can be controlling is naturally submissive. Because we are equally effective in both realms, we have to be very careful about who and what we submit to. When in survival mode, you could seek to control others. But when you heal, you’ll learn to control yourself, and that is the best way to influence others (cheat code). We call this ability, Leadership. Kinky people play this out in bds&m.

• You cling to things and people easily.

This is rooted in a fear of abandonment and a spirit of rejection. You could have a mother or father wound surrounding being abandoned so you fear losing anything and quickly attach to fill this void. You could easily overlook any red flags just to keep others around. This is rooted in a spirit of desperation, and lack. Unfortunately people can sense your despair and use it to manipulate you. It isn’t until you’re heart broken that you see just how unsafe you really were.

• You don’t spend much time alone.

This could sound counterintuitive but hear me out. The reason you prefer to be around others is because you think having them around makes you safe. You’re unable to find safety and comfort in and with yourself. Ultimately you struggle trusting you with you and use others as a means to parent yourself. These are codependent relationships.

Final Thoughts | Go Where You are Safe to Be You!

The great thing about being yourself is that you naturally attract what's for you and repel what isn't. Authenticity is, in fact, our greatest weapon, a secret one at that. Our nervous system is really the tree of life. When it is functioning as God intended, in peace, it helps us to produce goodness in the world. Think about it, when you are at peace, you're joyful, playful, loving, gentle, and creativity flows. This is what God intended when He says, be fruitful and multiply. A healthy nervous system is the secret ingredient to that theory. Here is why it's important to engage in safe spaces. Go where you are safe to be you! Comment below if this resonates. If you are actively seeking for a community that celebrates originality and encourages authenticity, and are ready to begin your healing journey, do this walk with me in an intimate setting, join my Pretty Beast Fit VIP Community and sign up for my ReAlign Masterclass and Workshop launching October 16th, 2023.

La'Tara Jackson is Author/Owner of Ground Up Self-Love Workbook and .com, and Holistic Coach both certified in personal training and yoga. She has over eight years experience in nutrition and wellness and it all began with being a single mom desiring a better life for herself and children by starting a woman's community bootcamp that would go on to change the lives of many. And that was just the beginning. Follow PrettyBeast Fitness & Lifestyle on FB and @prettybeastfit on IG for more.

ReAlign Masterclass e-course

Buy Now

Total Body @ Home Fitness

Buy Now